I just made out with a guy for $7.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this will be a night to untag.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
