and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Plan B is the new Plan A
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
