I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
