wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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