I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
