dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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