it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
