I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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