I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
