fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
