is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
