I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
