why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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