I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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