My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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