This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
