He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
