i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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