farters have to be the big spoon...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
