last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
