We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize