I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
