fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
