Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
