i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
