my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My ass is underappreciated
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
