Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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