we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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