just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
