He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
