Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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