i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
