So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
