apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize