can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
