honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
