4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
