There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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