I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
