wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
