I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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