He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
