dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Semen is not good for contacts.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
