I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
