Moan for me like Helen Keller
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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