therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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