Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
