Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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