Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
