So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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