my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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