dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
