I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
