found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sarcasm needs its own font
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want her autograph on my taint
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
