They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
