Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
