I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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