you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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