I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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