I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
