If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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