I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize