Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
