At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
