got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
