Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
