my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
