My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
